Ella died today – a sad note from the neighborhood
As the email I received said; “she was in her parent's bed with them about 4:00 am. She woke them up, they cuddled her, they thought she was resettling to go back to sleep - but she took two slow breaths and died quietly in her mother's arms.” I am almost too horrified to even re-read the email. What if it was Jack? Or my precious Anais? Cancer scares me so much.
I guess it’s selfish, that what-if-it-happened-to-me feeling?.… but when it comes down to it, I thank God it was their kid, and not mine. I don’t know what I’d do. I don’t believe in a biblical heaven or hell - to me it’s more a state of mind. But I do know the hell Ella’s parents are going through. You don’t get over a loss like that – it just sucks a little bit of you out with it. And every time it happens, it sucks a little bit more, and more, until finally you too are gone. And this is God’s plan??? Can you honestly tell me there is some overarching reason for little girls to be in pain? For a daughter to die cuddleing in her mothers arms??? God I feel bad for Lori and Dave…
Some say that she’s in a better place. Well, all I know that she’s not in pain here in our world any more – I sure do hope she’s in a better place. I guess we knew this was coming, but the lack of a shock effect never seems to compensate for the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. You know, for years, I couldn’t even say the word, it frightened me so much. That, and having one of my kids get hit by a car. I thought maybe writing about it would help me feel better. It doesn’t.