Wednesday, May 09, 2007


I always wondered how I'd do in combat. I mean real combat. Having someone shoot in your direction a couple of times isn't really combat. It's not like advancing across no man's land into the face of German machine guns. But close enough, maybe -.I think I’d do okay.

Still... you'll always wonder. Do you think Kraig wonders? Or Keith? I think part of it is that same insecurity of having to prove yourself though, and I am done with that now. There's no less glory in being a good husband and a father. Perhaps "glory" is a bad way to say it, because there's no glory out here, but what I mean is, well, the point should be to be useful at what you do, not some hero. Here it’s mostly just boring and wishing to go home. I've only been scared a couple (ok, 3 or 4) times. You just don't want to do anything stupid in front of any one else and then when it's over you never want it to happen again. Maybe some people are different, but that's it. I suppose this is the dénouement to my entire career; not to be here would even be hypocritical. But now I have done my time and I want to be with my family.

Combat goes beyond male authentication. War may be a natural condition of humankind, but actually being in one is not. Unless you are a fearless sociopath.


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