Iraq is where my dad is

When i was hugging him goodbye, i knew that if i wasn't strong, then nobody would be, so i smiled and it really didn't hit me, until he was walking away, down that hallway, and when he was far away enough so that he couldn't see, although i kept that smile plastered on my face, i let 2 tears escape my eyes. 2. that's all, if i had let any more go, i would have lost it, lost everything, all control, composure, the tinted glass window that obscures the real me in front of her would have shattered, and that's all i have left of my home life right now.

Wow, i must have looked really pathetic, skinny jeans, wide eyes, feet turned inward as a nervous habit, and that coffee. i had a vanilla latte from starbucks, and i was clutching it like it was my lifeline, afraid to let go, because at the time, that latte is all i had to hold on to, and in all actuality, without the caffeine from it, i probably wouldn't have even been awake for this depressing little parting.

And that ticket checker lady, she was looking everywhere but right at us. like it was our moment, and that it was indecent to look in, well thank you lady, i appreciate it. more than you know.

So now i feel trapped in this house. i wanted to get out tonight and just not think about this whole thing, but i can't. so i'm left to wander this house alone, not sleeping (even though i could use a good 24 hour sleep) just thinking about thoughts that i honestly would rather forget, for the time being.

Anais