Monday, October 30, 2006

Mark's Blog to go Private

Dear All,

Due to unfortunate circumstances Mark's blog will soon be switching to an approved access-only site. If you enjoy the blog and wish to keep reading it, please send me an email at kraig.binkowski@yale.edu and I will have your email address added to the approved list. The blog's address will be the same, but soon readers will be asked to login with their email addresses.

I am sorry for this unavoidable inconveniance.

Kraig Binkowski

They blew up my clock!!

The bastards!, as Mom would say. I thought they’d hit the building again, it shook so hard. BOOOUUUM!!!! I swear to God the glass windows behind the sandbags bowed in 6 or 8 inches before snapping back into place. Knocked the clock right off of the wall too. The clear plastic covering the face shattered when it hit the ground.

Later, I thought maybe the clock would make a neat souvenir, what with the hands forever frozen at the instant of impact. Sort of like the clock on the bridge of the USS Arizona in Pearl Harbor that they brought up from the briny deep years latter. But when I picked it up both hands just swung freely. So I just threw it away.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

More travels with George



At the Baghdad Gates



George under Saddam's swords



George takes a helo ride



George tuckered out (in my back pack)

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

In line



Sign left for Mark on his desk

no title

There was a memorial service for an airman killed last week. I had intended upon attending, but as it turned out, I was off base at the time. I don’t know how he died, but I heard that he was a Security Police Officer with the Expeditionary Air Group over at BIAP.

Not too many airmen are killed over here. Well, comparatively, I mean. It’s mostly Army, except in Anbar where the Marines are. John is out there. I worry about him sometimes, although he would just laugh if I ever told him that. The last time I saw him was in San Diego – we had a steak dinner and few drinks and he was flirting with the waitress. In fact, I think several of the drinks were bought for us, if I recall. Or was it dessert that they paid for? We had a good time.

You grow immune to the little reminders. Of death, I mean. As you walk into almost any Army headquarters there is a little display. It’s an up-turned rifle with a helmet on top, and looped onto the plastic M16 pistol grip is a set of dog tags for every soldier who has died from that unit. I walked into a headquarters in Tikrit and counted eighty-eight sets of dog tags. I used to stop and remember - even if I didn’t know the person I would remember what I thought he or she might have been like. Where they came from, who they left behind… You can tell a lot from a name, or a name and a photo, if you think about it. But eighty-eight was too many.

They say that a person’s spirit lives as long as he is remembered, but I am sure that’s just a load of crap. Another myth created to conveniently dispel our fears, like God, and their being a purpose to all of this.

Pulling Cable




Pulling cable is a HARD, dirty job. We pull everything from telephone wire, to coax, to half-inch fiber optic bundles, to four-inch thick power cables wrapped in rubber and steel mesh sheathing. And we’ll do it anywhere, inside, outside, aerial runs between buildings, or through underground tunnels.

Sometimes it means digging a trench, laying a bed of crushed rock, and merely stringing the cable along before filling the trench in again. This works okay for outside power, but for comm. cables you usually have to protect the cable in some type of duct or conduit. If it’s a permanent install, you might put in an entire manhole-duct system. This is like a series of sewer pipes except instead of carrying waste, they are filled with different comm cables. I don’t mind new duct systems, but stepping through an existing manhole into an underground cement cable vault is always scary because of the spiders and snakes. I’ve seen some pretty nasty spiders out here, and a couple of even nastier spider bites.

Mostly, the big jobs are power. I swear to God some of those power cables are as heavy as anchor chains. We do a survey before hand so we know where we need to tap into the grid, and what route we need to take to get the cable where we need it to go. Usually this will be from one or more transformers to a series of two- or four-hundred amp distribution boxes, and from there to the individual pieces of equipment needing power. You’d be surprised how much electricity a fair sized building can eat up, especially when you take into consideration multiple networks, each with their own routers, switches, and servers. And everyone always wants more.

We’ll start during the day by pre-positioning the cable reel, usually with a forklift. Then we unroll and measure the length we need - usually between one and three or maybe four-hundred feet. It’s hard to work with the longer lengths just because of the weight of the cable. We wait until the sun goes down before we actually start the pull, though, just so it isn’t so hot.



This last time was fairly typical: We ran a length outside from the contractor’s generators, into a building, then up to the third floor, through the crawlspace between the floors to what would be the D wing, and then down the walls to the distro boxes in one of the server rooms. But to understand how convoluted this can be, I have to describe one of these buildings. I have surveyed a lot of former and current Iraqi government buildings, and they all share certain characteristics. First, they are all marble, cement, and cinder block. No wood frames, and no sheetrock. Secondly, no room is square. Even square rooms aren’t really square if you measure them, and you have to measure them all because there are never any drawings to work from. Third, they all have hidden passageways, service ducts, and crawlspaces. And I mean throughout the whole building, not even including the secret tunnels in the basements (once I saw bloody hand prints on the wall of a tunnel under the high court building). And last, the construction is always shoddy. This is very apparent from inside the guts of a structure, where you can see bare electric wires, ungrounded distribution boxes, and half-mixed pockets of concrete falling out of the pillars holding the building up.

So we have a couple of guys wrestling the cable through a hole in the exterior wall, and then a couple more dragging it to a service stairway that we’re using to route the beast up to the third floor. The stairway itself looks like one of those circular iron jobs, and it goes from the ground floor all the way to the roof. It’s very narrow, very steep, and looks like it was welded out of what appear to be bits and pieces of left over steel and angle iron (we call it the stairway of doom). There’s no way even a team of guys could carry the weight of this cable up the stairway, so we’ve hooked a block and tackle to the underside of the top of the stairs. Two guys work the tackle, while two more are crammed onto the tiny catwalk they call the third floor “landing” so that they can guide the cable (usually with much shouting and swearing) through a hole we’ve made in the wall.

On the other side of the wall, inside what we call the third floor “attic,” are two more guys pulling and guiding the cable across the crawl space between the floors. This space averages about 36 inches in height, and is pretty much 100% occupied by steel rebar, ventilation ducts, plumbing, electrical conduit, and miscellaneous other structural details. And by rats, although the closest I have come to personally seeing one is to have placed my hand on top of a dead one while crawling along several months ago.



The attic is by far the worst job. It’s dark (pitch black, actually), you’re always hitting your head, and every time you move you stir up enough dust to choke a camel. The last time I was in the attic I had to reach an area that was blocked off by a two and a half foot tall steel duct suspended from the ceiling, under which I had to crawl for what seemed like 30 feet. Did I tell you that I don’t like small spaces? And I especially don’t like crawling under ducts with 6 inches of space while breathing dust and asbestos and rat shit and who knows what else. Uggg!!!

Finally, there’s a guy who feeds the cable down the wall to where the distribution box is, or will be, if the electrician didn’t fuck up in figuring the cable length. We have a good electrician though, and he hasn’t made that mistake yet. The whole operation works sort of like an inch worm, where everyone moves their section of cable a couple of feet at the same time. Only the block gets caught on some pipes, or the tackle gets tangled, or the cable won’t bend enough to curve around a tight corner. Once we even had a guy get lost inside of a building – I mean really inside, as in inside the ducts and walls. So there’s a lot of standing around and cursing at whomever is down the line from you because you know if you were up there the rope wouldn’t have gotten tangled, or whatever. But then comes the call “Pull!!” and everyone strains and the cable moves. A little. And a little more. And a little more, until finally, after much sweat, many banged elbows, and several cuts and scrapes, it’s done.

And, in spite of all the bitching and complaining, we feel good about doing a hard job well. Democracy in Iraq is safe for another night.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

No Title

Lots of individual shots. They are probably shooting at the towers again, but I hear no automatic rifle fire. Faster now, and there’s a small boom. It’s almost unreal, to actually be typing this as I listen to men shoot at each other a short distance away. I’m sitting on my bunk, balancing the laptop on my lap while I drink a diet Pepsi. Soon I have to finish getting dressed, if I want to make breakfast. The sounds outside always seem closer than they really are, anyways. Unless it really is close - then it just sounds LOUD. This doesn’t sound so LOUD.

The shooting dies away as I pull on my boots.

Apocalypse Now

Wow. It really did remind me of the apocalypse. Half of the crew was still outside feeding us a length of three-inch power cable as the guys inside were snaking it through the ducts and passageways. All of a sudden, the outside guys just dropped the cable – even halfway on the other side of the building you could tell something had happened because there was none of the “give” you have a crew is working together to move heavy wire – it was just dead weight.

So I ran downstairs to see what the matter was – my fear was that someone had gotten hurt (it’s happened before). But I found most of the crew safe, just inside of the doorway, all talking at once. It seems some type of sand storm had rolled in and they were debating whether or not to go back out. Well, we’ve worked through a bit of blowing sand before, so I had check this out for myself.

I thought they were being over-dramatic when three guys grabbed the big wooden doors to let me out, but they had to struggle to get them closed again - it was really blowing. It was almost pitch black out, except for the street light bulbs glowing an eerie orange, like floating orbs of light. The wind was buffeting me from all around, and large globs (globs, not grains) of sand were flying through the air, sticking to the wall and stinging when they hit skin. My cover flew off just as the lightening started with a CRRRaccck!

The power of weather has always amazed and scared me. I had never before seen nature’s strength so close, and I will admit that this demonstration un-nerved me more than a little. But I was also fascinated. A sand storm had apparently run into a thunderstorm, and it was literally raining mud. Thunder seemed to shake the sky, and lightening bolted between the clouds. And for just a moment, the haunting image of Albrecht Durer’s The Four Horsemen came vividly to mind.
(Afterward: not wanting my guys caught in a lightening storm while holding a three inch-thick, hundred foot-long conductor in their hands, I decided to cut the pull short for that night)

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Really gross

I saw a camel spider eat a frog today. Or maybe it was a toad. But it was soooo disgusting. Disgusting in a way that you can’t take your eyes away, but then you don’t want to remember it, which you do.

Someone told me those things aren’t really spiders. I wish they weren’t even real! Their existence alone is reason enough never to want to buy a nice little fixer-upper and settle down somewhere in the Middle East.

Writing on the wall...

As we walk out to the helicopter I notice the bullet hole in the windshield – it’s high and to the right. Some one has circled it with a magic marker and wrote “Missed, you son of a Bitch!!” next to the circle. I suppose that pretty much sums up most soldier’s attitudes – regardless of whether one believes we should be here or not, if someone is shooting at you, they are the enemy. And there’s a lot of shooting going on.

Baghdad nights

I usually like to fall asleep early the first night in a new place. As if the very fact of having slept there legitimatizes my being there. I wake up and things are where I left them, so there’s a history between me and this new place, you know? But I can’t sleep tonight, despite the fact that the last caffeine I consumed was over 18 hours ago.

The room is small, about six feet by eight feet. My pack, rifle, and duty belt pretty much take up all of the space on the floor, except for a spot to put my feet while I sit on the cot writing this. Outside the helicopters come in low; low enough to fill my existence with their cutting thoop-thoop-thoop noise, to shake the whole building. I guess the LZ is only a couple hundred meters off – much closer than at Slayer.

The plywood floor sags when the guy in the next room stands up – perhaps he can’t sleep either. I hear him shuffling around next door, and I stop to listen. Nothing. I pick up my book (Babbitt, by Sinclair Lewis) for what seems like the twenty-seventh time, telling myself that I’ll just read a couple of pages and nod off. But then there’s an explosion in the distance and I am awake again. It’s the fourth one tonight.

I find myself a little bit nervous around unexpected loud noises now. In my mind I jump every time a dumpster lid slams, but, other than a momentary squint, I don’t think it shows. It’s not like I dive for cover when a car backfires or anything. The normal response to explosions is to merely look up from what you are doing for a moment, as if tolerating an inopportune interruption. A minor inconvenience, like the damn flies. If one should go off exceptionally close then a casual “they seem to be getting closer, eh?” is allowed. Nothing more. I flinch as the next explosion goes off. It’s closer, but there’s no one else in the room to talk to.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Barf



A local product - lemon fresh scent too.

More Snapshots



Last time I took a shower: 4 hours ago

Last time I took a bath: 3764 hours ago

Last book I read: One More Day, by Mitch Album (read it)

Next on the list: The Big Boxcar (Dad’s book, sent by Keith)

In my pocket: One dollar, three keys, the combination to the server room, and an old news article on Coach Sahadi

Hottest thing on my desk waiting for me to finish: an overlay of the B__________ system network on top of the theater comms infrastructure.

Last time I ran The Hill: 5 days ago

Last time I listened to “Our George” (the teddy bear): about 10 minutes ago

Last bad dream: 6 nights ago

Last time I wished that I believed in God: Last week, while listening to the CNN newscast on the Nickel Mine shooting of ten Amish schoolgirls.

Amount of money in annual raises Congress has voted for itself since 2000: $23,230.00

Amount of money a Corporal makes for a year in Iraq: $22,111.00

Last time I fired a weapon: 36 days ago



PS Congratulations to T. who finally received official notice that she’d passed the bar.

Monday, October 16, 2006

For Lisanne and Mark

Your love for one another... for your siblings and family is epically inspirational. I thought I had imagined its existence in myself and my own "family"... thank you for showing me I am NOT alone... I hope you know how many lives you BOTH touch. And KAB? What you have done by being a wonderful, loving brother and a catalyst for Marks words is HUGE.

Takes a village... Indeed.

In.

Deed.

Love.

From Pixie

Friday, October 13, 2006

The dream. Part II

The dream came back. My dream. The one that scares me because jack is crying… holding on to Lisanne because maybe that’s all he has. Because I wasn’t there. A picture in Newsweek: Young boy in the front row. wearing his father’s flight jacket, holding his mother’s and sister’s hands. As the casket rolls by.

Dad once told me that he was sorry that he didn’t spend more time with us kids, teaching us to throw and play baseball. To throw grenades. Maybe someday after this is all over… after we’re done throwing grenades? A year is such a long time to be dead.

Helpless. It’s my job to fix things, but I can’t fix this. Like those guys they caught at the checkpoint and mutilated. Like a child, having a nightmare. Running, but not escaping. like those guys. Like the ones left behind. A roar in my ears, in my brain, drowning out the silence, the forever stillness of the night. Fear envelops me and I want to run away. To be safe. Like you want to run when the cancer comes…

I hate this dream. It’s about death, leaving people. I just pray it’s about my death, and not theirs. I feel so helpless. I don’t want to die. Why do you want me to leave? BAM BAM! BAAM!! I awake to the sound of the mortars impacting.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Glimpses into a dangerous life




[Heading out with EOD]

DATELINE: Baghdad. Captured enemy cache to be destroyed.

As we approach the checkpoint, my teenaged driver asks if I have ever been out on an EOD call before. He makes it sound as if he’s the washer machine repair guy and the only concern he has is whether he has the right belts and pullies in his truck. “Well, don’t worry none, sir, ‘cause we do this all the time. IEDs, car bombs, unexploded ordinance, we even go out after the fact to collect evidence. Sorta like CSI” he says, apparently rather proud of the comparison. “And if something does explode, we always make sure that we’re far enough away… um… unless something goes wrong.” I didn’t bring up the incident several weeks ago where something went wrong and an EOD team member from Victory was killed trying to defuse a 152mm artillery shell. We all heard that explosion.


[I like the EOD guys but I wouldn't want their job]

“Like CSI, huh? So what do you do after an explosion?” “Oh, we look for parts to tell what kind of bomb it was, what type of explosive was used… there’s always parts left over. Watch your head, sir, there’s a ‘big bump in the road” [humvee lurches]. “Lots of times if you can tell how a device was detonated, we can figure out a way to defeat it. They used to use a lot of pressure devices, until they got all sophisticated with the radio-controlled stuff. But we jam that, the frequencies I mean. It keeps changing.”

A bored guard waves us through the checkpoint and we pass one of those larger than life roadside paintings of Saddam Hussian that still dot the region. Inevitably, it is faceless; the area where the face should have been is pocketed by small arms fire. “If we have time, I mean - if no one is shooting at us - we can spend most of the morning at a site and tell all sorts of things. But if the area’s still hot, well, we move a little quicker, you know? It’s better out in the country, ‘cause you can never really secure a site in the city, with all the windows and alley ways and stuff. You always have to watch for snipers in the city.”

Finally, the truck ahead of us finally pulls off to the side of the dirt road and our humvee draws up along side. The Buffalo is an armored transport designed specifically for EOD. At first glance, it looks like just another armored truck – you see all sorts out here what with all of the coalition partners bringing their own equipment. But if you look closely you may notice the odd-looking sloped side armor that comes to a “V” at the bottom of the vehicle – the better to deflect the blast from a buried mine.


[The Buffalo]

“Ready sir? Here, you can carry this” says the teenager and he hands me a satchel with twelve blocks of C4 in it. I have never held plastic explosive before and I decide that it is aptly named; the small bricks do feel like plastic, and they are malleable, if not entirely flexible. “It’s safe, sir, you can even drop it and it won’t explode without a fuse” (I decide against testing this theory).

Several depressions in the ground are selected and the captured ordinance is placed into it. AK-47s, old Lee-Enfields, a hunting rifle, Soviet-era signal flares, a couple artillery rounds (122s?), and lots of mortar shells. I am surprised at how rusty the mortar shells are, but the teenager assures me they will still fire. There are even a couple of Chinese-made grenades, which generates quite a bit of discussion. The consensus seems to be that no one likes working with Chinese grenades because they tend to go off unexpectedly. Poor manufacturing quality. I file this bit of information away in case of am ever in the market for a case of grenades.


[RPG and Mortar Round]


[C4 in the pit]

Finally, all of the weapons are piled up. I hand the blocks of C4 one at a time down to the technician in the pit, who is molding them to the shape of the artillery shells. “Are you sure there won’t be anything left once you blow it up?” “I guarantee it, sir.” He slowly attaches a slender fuse to the final brick, before placing it on top of all the rest, evidently satisfied with his work.

We gather for the safety brief about 300 meters away. “Okay, when I gave the signal, J____ will shout ‘Fire in the hole!’ three times. After the third time, he’ll set off the first charge, five seconds later you go, sir, and five seconds after that, S______ goes. Bang, bang, bang – got it?. Have you ever done this, sir? Ya get a good grip and put yer finger in here and just yank! But ya gotta remember to stay down, ‘cause a couple of those big boys kin throw shrapnel even out here. So stay down for a bit, and if you hear any whizzing go by, after it’s done you can get up. Everybody set?”

The ignition device is deceptively small for the amount of destructive power it holds. It looks like a plastic tube, about 8 inches long, olive drab, with a wire coming out of one end and a pin like a grenade pin on the other. We lay down and wait for the command… “Fire in the hole!” WHUMPP! The first explosion is much LOUDER than I’d expected - I am lifted and body-slammed back onto the ground… my eyes blur. One thousand and one, two thousand… three… four… how many seconds was it? Pull! WHUMPPP!!! The earth convulses. Slam! I wish I’d tightened my chin strap more. I can see the smoke and dust spreading out now… KA-WHUUMPP!!! Slam! Dirt in my mouth.

Silence… You don’t realize how immune you have become to everyday sounds until they are gone. My ears ring in and out. Finally, after seconds that last decades, I hear a bird begin to chirp… life after the storm. We stand up and walk over to the smoking craters. The technician in the pit was right – there was nothing left.





[Me and my Buffalo]

News Flash



Well, we made the news today. Fox News, anyway, and I am not sure where else. They blew up our ammo dump last night about 2330. I knew something was wrong right away because there were too many explosions – usually the Muj let loose a couple of quick salvos and skee-daddle, but these just kept going on and on. The first big one sounded like someone kicking in the door of the hootch, and after that you just heard these low rumbles that rattled the windows over and over, until finally that petered out too. Although I didn’t see the initial flashes, the whole sky was lit red for a couple of hours afterwards. ‘knocked the little toy soldier and my underarm deodorant off of my homemade shelf, too (it’s a good thing I don’t keep my expensive Dresden porcelain on that shelve).

Hopefully tonight I will be able to get a good night’s sleep.

[UPDATE]The blimp is down so we’ll probably get hit again tonight

Monday, October 09, 2006

Discouraging news

The Army Times (one of the few sources that I can quote on-line) stated that there were 1,300 IED attacks in the month of September. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the author continued to state that “based upon current usage, there are enough stocks of illegal explosives [in Iraq] to continue the same level of attack for 274 years without re-supply.” Wow.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Conversation at the hooch after Mom and Dad sent a box

“Bink!! Hey, Binky!! We heard you got a box! You know the rules – no stinky food unless we all get some.” Stinky food is what we call sardines, kippers, or any type of canned fish whose smell fills the entire trailer when opened. “Come on now… break it out. You know you can’t hide it!”

And so we sat around eating stinky sardines and shooting the bull. It was nice.

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad.

I love you.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Recent Pic of Mark



Mark with his helmet on (which is all the time)

George and the Gunner



George with the turret gunner.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

So you wanna help?

Often, when it is not too busy, I will try to take time in the morning to peruse the Stars and Stripes Newspaper, which is the only paper we get over here. This morning, on page 7, there was a short article on an organization called the Snowball Express. This organization’s sole purpose in life is to send the kids of soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan to Disneyland. Hardly suitable compensation for their loss, but if it can bring just one smile to the face of a grieving child, it will have served it’s purpose in my eyes.

Several people have asked what they could send? There are over 1,200 children who have lost their fathers or mothers over here, so here is my suggestion: Go to Toys-R-Us, pick out something nice, and mail it to the Snowball Express, where it will be wrapped and presented to a kid on holiday to Disneyland this Christmas. Or skip that dinner out and send money – I wrote out a check for $50.00 as soon as I got back to the hooch.

You can find out more by visiting www.snowballexpress.org. I cried when I did.

This week so far in Baghdad

- Four soldiers were killed by small arms fire
- Nine more were killed by explosions
- Sixteen Iraqis were killed and 87 wounded when a bomb went off in a shopping district
- Sixteen more were kidnapped
- Twenty-three civilians were executed
- An Iraqi National Police Brigade was pulled out of the line for aiding the militia death squads
- And a newly orphaned two-year old girl falls asleep cradled by Chief Master Sergeant Gebhardt.

(all figures gathered from the Stars and Stripes, Mideast edition)

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Happiness is a new sidewalk



Well, newly repaired, anyway. The old sidewalk was not only cracked, but actually missing for large stretches of the walkway. They say that when they first brought in the trailers they laid out all of the sidewalks, and then brought in a caterpillar crane to place the huge cement barriers, crushing the sidewalk. After being here for five months, this sounds entirely plausible – in fact, it sounds just like something the Army would do. I’d twisted my ankle on the broken concrete twice already at night and complained to the Mayor’s Cell I don’t know how many times, but they finally came out & fixed it. Thank goodness they did it before the rainy season. Sort of looks like I live in the middle of Stonehenge, what with all of the concrete monoliths protecting us. My door is behind the third monolith sticking out on the right. The bathroom and showers are all the way at the far end.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Camp Slayer Pet





Look what we caught two days ago. No kidding.

(like most Iraqis, he seems to have an aversion to Americans).